Trash and treasure remain

The remnants of a daughter’s time gone by.

Every time my daughter, Savannah, heads back to college after the winter break at home, I spend the next quiet hour in the house stripping sheets off the bed, doing laundry, and tidying up the things she left behind...  mostly looking for pieces of her to hang onto. It is always bitter sweet.

Shortly after she pulled out of the driveway, I entered her bedroom to find it tidier and emptier than usual. During the past few weeks we spent time talking about the things she’s looking forward to as she readies herself for life after college. Final classes, job fairs, updating her portfolio, and looking for an invitation by just the right recruiter who will see her promise and whisk her away. Knowing her trips home will take on a less frequent and uncertain rhythm, she’d spent more time this break cleaning out childhood momentos, outgrown clothing, and knick-knacks that filled the nooks and crannies of her shelves and drawers.  

Among the things she left behind were two I found symbolic. They represent the feelings I have trouble putting into words; preferring to express them in tears. The first was the familiar large black trash bag, evidence of the ritualistic clean-out. It is always there after she leaves, but it occurred to me this morning that its presence was less about her not having time to take it to the curb, but an invitation for me to participate in letting go of things that we need to in order to make room for the things to come. I appreciated that large black bag more than ever as a parting gift from her encouraging me to grow, too.

Along with the black bag, she’d left me a new creation she’d made during the break. A little vase from clay with a sweet white face and a bouquet of color bursting from its head. As I placed it next to the bag, the contrast spoke volumes. A dark bundle of moments now gone alongside the tiny but sure light and color of tomorrow. And a reminder of her brilliance and beauty now blooming.  

Thank you, Savannah, for the trash and treasure. I will hold them both in my heart.